To be obeyed without shouting

19 Apr, 2022

Being obeyed without shouting is every parent's dream. Unfortunately, on a daily basis, our nerves can give way to fatigue. And our children sometimes receive the full force of bad words or inappropriate gestures that they are not able to handle. Let's take advantage of this 30th of April, the day of non-violence in education, to remind that punishments, blackmail, threats or spankings are not a fatality!

What is ordinary educational violence?


A spanking, a slap on the hands, pulling the ears, depriving of food, punishing, guilt-tripping, blackmailing, insulting, mocking... whether it is physical, psychological or verbal, ordinary educational violence is used towards children with an educational intention.

Contrary to a benevolent education, this violence tolerated in our society has tended to be transmitted from generation to generation in order to "give a good education to its children". But this is without taking into account the stages of cognitive and emotional development of the child.


Ordinary violence, neither rare nor trivial


85% of parents admit to spanking, and1 in 2 children are hit before the age of 2 according to a study conducted by the Observatoire de la Violence Educative Ordinaire in 2017 in France).

However, these ordinary violences are likely to develop psychological disorders such as anxiety, lack of confidence, or aggressive behaviors.

" Questioning our own parents' education can be difficult and painful. We may feel disrespected or angry. Nevertheless, it is important to understand that it is possible to raise a child without violence. By changing the way we look at children and by understanding the different stages of their development, we can change our paradigm. It is necessary to question our history and our relationship with our own parents, but also the relationship we wish to develop with our children. Above all, it is essential to reconnect with our emotions and empathy. This process will necessarily require time and energy, but it will allow our children to grow up without violence. "

So to be obeyed without shouting, it is possible!

 The smaller they are, the more difficult it is for children to deal with emotions. When they cry, for example, they have a message to get across. As they get older, their emotions will become more intense and they will learn to manage them.

 So in the meantime, they need patience, understanding, security and guidance.

Talk to them calmly and kindly:

 "I'm here for you"

"I'm listening"

"It's okay to be sad"

"You want to tell me about it?"

"I'm here if you want a hug"

"I'm sad sometimes too"

It's more pleasant, isn't it?

These educational principles are the basis of all the training that we provide to early childhood professionals in the framework of our projects (within the daycare centers, with the childcare assistants or the preschool teachers).

Much of the information in this article is taken from the website of the association Stop VEO (

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